Empathy: It is not about you
Empathy is not about feeling sorry for someone; it’s about placing their experience at the centre of the moment. Consider these two responses to somebody who comes to you with a situation they are in:
- “Oh no, I’m so sorry! It happened to me once, and it’s awful. I understand how you feel right now.”
- “Oh no, I’m so sorry! That sounds awful, and I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you right now.”
Both start with genuine concern. The difference lies in the focus. The first shifts the spotlight to your experience: your story and understanding. The second keeps the focus where it belongs—on the other person’s unique struggle.
Where Does the Spotlight Land?
When you say, “I’ve been there; I know how you feel,” it might sound supportive but unintentionally compares experiences. You’re implying that your emotions in a similar situation mirror theirs, which may not be true. Instead, consider their story as unique as it is—layered with emotions and context that only they can fully grasp.
The Power of Staying Present
Empathy thrives when we resist the urge to relate through our stories and prioritise listening, validating, and simply being there. Saying, “I can only imagine how hard this is for you,” communicates that you’re present, attentive, and respectful of their individuality. You’re not comparing; you’re connecting.
Why It Matters
Empathy isn’t about proving you understand but showing you care. Focusing on the other person often feels more supportive because it says, “This moment is about you.” And in a world where distractions pull us in every direction, offering your full attention is one of the most meaningful ways to express care.