The Weight of Grades

Every grade you assign—whether in your head or words—does more than express an opinion. It defines the limits of what’s possible in your relationship with that person. You may unknowingly close the door to their future contributions when you lower someone’s grade, whether because of a single disagreement or a minor flaw.

We often grade reflexively, letting moods or passing frustrations dictate our judgments. A sharp comment from a colleague becomes, “They’re difficult to work with.” A missed deadline becomes, “They’re unreliable.” Each grade feels small, but together, they create boxes—rigid, confining, and hard to escape.

The danger is that these grades rarely get revisited. You see someone through the lens of their latest score, even as they grow, evolve, or try to do better. And in doing so, you risk cutting off the potential for real connection, collaboration, or understanding.

From Judgment to Curiosity

What if, instead of grading, you chose to listen? The next time someone says something you disagree with, pause. Ask yourself: “Why do they see it this way?” Instead of lowering their grade, consider whether the disagreement might teach you something. You don’t have to agree, but staying open creates possibilities.

Grading feels final, but curiosity keeps relationships alive. By replacing judgment with a willingness to explore, you open yourself to new ideas and deepen your understanding of others.

It’s not just kinder—it’s smarter.